The stars line up, ducks in their row, Holy Spirit active, dreams in view, prophecy in motion, sparking feelings of ecstasy, excitement, anticipation . . . and then, sometimes in slow motion, tipping begins. Mine currently feels like I am in a fun house, a room that seems ordinary, grounded, but now is slowly turning upside down. Everything begins to slide, tip, go off grade, odd angles becoming real . . . I am verklempt (a fav from a character by Mike Meyers-google it).
How is it possible that I can be in deep appreciation of the wonder of what God is doing, has done, and in a short time feel complete despair, with thoughts that I am completely wrong, am I insane ? [Deep breath] Ahhhh, I stop, get my coffee, sit down with Jesus and ask, "What do you want me to know about this, Lord."
I kinda feel his mirth, don't hear it, but feel it, reverberating through history. A nod to when David took down Goliath; Moses touched the water with his staff and it turned to blood; dry bones rose up in life; Jesus was born to Mary; appearing to various people after he rose from the grave, and more.
Jesus reminds me, with that enigmatic smile that though He has trained me, coached me for such a time as this, I am still human and much of heaven is beyond my comprehension even when moving deeper into it. Of course, I feel this disparity, it is Einstein's theory about an equal apposing reaction, the laws I live in and bound by while living in this world, yet . . .
What's going on with me is the main reason I believe in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. This verklempt experience is unique to when I have catalytic moments where my supernaturally designed DNA lights off from encounters with God followed by grounding in this world. It is the juice that grows my identity that is defined by HIM, God. The Great I AM.
Jesus reminds me who I am and to whom I belong, while it's OK to feel overwhelmed by the breadth of goodness in which I have been worshipping for a week. I know all about being overwhelmed, whether by hurt or happiness, and how to return to joy from the overwhelm. It's helpful to have a deep, personal relationship with Jesus who always, guides me back to peace, joy, while comforting me.
Ah, just writing about it while talking to Jesus is rich. I am back into His fullness. He takes me flying through time, to various panoramas where He showed me His Big Picture, followed by instructions how to intercede; another moment years later where His picture was being fulfilled; songs He gave me to sing, with only part of the words until years later when He gave me another verse, now fulfilled. All the while He was training me, growing maturity, raising my capacities on all levels as only God can.
"You are ready," He says. God's confidence is so all encompassing, so vast and complete my reverential fear/honoring confesses I needed His touch to be able to grasp even a scintilla of the breadth of Truth He Speaks. Again, I feel His mirth, this time I am synchronized in it with Him.
I know and embrace that He is the Finisher of my Faith, He is my Mighty Counselor/Coach who has ALL the knowledge, Wisdom, and Power. I am His Daughter, who continues to learn how to make more room for Him. I am with Him and it's the speed at which I turn to Him that brings Heaven to Earth, expands the Glory that includes ALL, while activating the Love that covers ALL.
The Stars Line Up . . .