The Profound Conundrum

Profound moments occur in all our lives & how we respond indicates the state of our being: are we healthy & mature, functioning reasonably well; or, are we immature, unhealthy, even dysfunctional? How do you note your profound moments, do you let them go? Do you celebrate then move on? Do you delve in curiosity? Each of these choices have unforeseen consequences, which I will consider.

Vitalizing: Engaging the profound moments with curiosity, asking questions, probing, looking deeper. Curiosity is filled with power as it opens us to possibilities, adventure & real change. How? Curiosity expands our flexibility, it teaches, invites connection, honors self & others, strengthens humility through self-correction, encourages & shares play. If you have a Secure Attachment style of connecting, you will naturally do this (see endnote #1 regarding Secure Attachment). Or, you have learned you are missing essential pieces of your identity & are in process of finding the pieces and gaining missing life-skills, through which curiosity ensues. 

Conundrum: I have come to believe our battle for wholeness isn't just in the mind, it's our entire body & soul wanting pleasure & satisfaction in this world. At the same time our DNA, created by God, is always perfecting, speaking humility, life & hope in the midst of fleshly desires. When one has Secure Attachment our two disparate conditions have synergy. 

However, most of us have insecure attachments, of which there are three: dismissive, distracted, disorganized (explicated in the notes below). While we have God's DNA, and He has promised to make us over in the likeness of Jesus, we are housed in a body with a mind that is raised & trained in this life. We have a heart and imagination for real satisfaction in life, yet we are pressed by  immediate desires of our flesh, and, we want order, to be able to file information to be recalled again. All the while most of us have limited capacity for the power of the present moment which operates best on both our DNA and our skills gained in this world. 

This is a profound conundrum, a wonderful, or terrible, thing as it goads us to keep moving. When you accept this and take up the challenges to develop curiosity empowered by faith you will have a life well lived. 

Unforeseen Consequences will occur if you decided to note your profound moments then move on without delving into them. I see a lot of that online, profound, thoughtful moments with no trail to follow for what happens next. We move on to the next profound moment, even celebrate, write congratulations & enjoy the confetti and balloons, forgetting our audience is not with us. They don't hear the rest of the story. That can cause collateral damage. How?

When your profound moments include painful confessions it opens tender wounds in others who read or hear it & synchronize with your pain. They need a way back to safety, to rest and joy. When they do not have the skill or capacity to return to joy from difficult emotions, nor have a person with them who can return them to joy, they are in need with no one to comfort them. That is risky. 

There is a growing understanding that sharing too much online can cause depression, even suicidal depression in those people who do not know how to connect, or where to go to get help. When I heard Jim Wilder's teaching on how sharing the details of trauma can cause another person trauma I was stunned. I thought back to sharing my story of childhood abuse with those who had never experienced what happened to me. I remembered the shocked look on their faces, now realizing the overwhelm they must have experienced.

I have changed the way I share my history. My primary goals in life are: to love, to give life, to inspire people to live and love, and heal, not to cause additional trauma. 

When we find we have shared too much without including effective paths back to safety & joy (see note 2), it indicates we have unfinished maturity skills that need attending, such as protecting others from ourselves. Be encouraged, it is a good thing to find out areas where we need more life-skills. There are many resources that give real help in sorting out what skills you are missing and how to get them (note#3).

Real change happens most effectively in community over time, and short bursts of profundity leaves people hanging, often not knowing they are hanging. It is like an unfinished sentence. New thoughts come, drowning out the possibility of adventure sparked by the profound moments. The euphoric feeling of discovery is exampled but what is needed is a functioning model of the healing journey,  which is the most important part, where all the juice is. We are made to drink deep, taste in fullness the juice of life, of knowledge. Knowledge is some of the finest wine to be held, turned, savored, shared with good company, celebrated by lingering in it, listening to its ring in each person present, then following the journey over time. That cannot be done by posting just the profound moments. 

At the least, if you are going to write about your journey and care about how it affects others, create a blog (note #4). Commit to sharing your story over time. You can create a safe place for people to-return-to in following out your journey. They can learn the next steps you take; what resources you have discovered that help; which can inspire their journey. People can contact you privately through your blog and not have their personal hurts exposed, giving you the opportunity to connect, encourage & inspire directly. If you find you don't follow through you have some unfinished maturity skills, which you will want to find out about (see endnotes).

I encourage people to delve into their Profound Moments. Be curious and learn to find satisfaction in the conundrum in our creation. There is much to celebrate as we change, being stretched in reaching for more. Drink deep of the juice of life and share your journey.

  1. Attachment styles-simple definitions: Secure Attachment: you: were loved, were well bonded from birth & have a solid identity; have emotional capacity; have completed all stages of maturity & are able to bring people around you back to joy from difficult emotions. Dismissive Attachment: you: were not bonded; had little physical contact or cuddling; may be missing some of the development of neurons that regulate attaching; have the habit of checking out instead of connecting. Disorganized Attachment: you were born into chaos with alcoholic or dysfunctional parents/caregivers; you suffered emotional &/or other abuses; you don't trust parents/caregivers/authority figures, they may hurt you the same as everyone else; anger, fighting, depression may be normal to you; at one time you are warm and connective, next time you may be distant, defensive, angry. Distracted Attachment: You are trying to connect to everyone, all the time; you have little emotional capacity-often are upset by what others do; your needs are always primary, so you are actively seeking relationship with everyone; little emotional capacity or ability to calm, present as clingy and needy. 

  2. The definition of joy I am writing about is not happiness, but the sure sense of well-being.

  3. To learn more about life-skills, check out: The Life Model, On this site, under Resources, you will find the: MaturitySkills Assessment, by E. James Wilder 

    On this web site you will find the resources to evaluate & gain your missing maturity skills. You can also contact us through this web site with questions. 

  4. Other options to help others: Be in the process of having your own life healed/restored so you have a full understanding of what you might expect of others; become a certified Life Coach through training; become a Prayer minister with effective support, training, and oversight; get a college degree in Marriage and Family Counseling, or other types of emotional healing counseling.  


Summation of Sequester

After several years of learning to live in a steady rhythm of joy & quiet, Noel & I were activated back into ministry at the start of February. God chose the groups & motivated us to attend, then to offer to share, which revealed he had prepared the way.

We are delighted to find ourselves brimming over with affection for people while more at ease in listening to, & moving with, the Holy Spirit.

Our sharing is about the generosity & wisdom of God as to how one can more actively, willingly co-labor with God in being transformed into one’s original design. In short: how to become the person God intended us to be.